Mistress’ Review of Dirt (that substance you often walk on)

As requested by one of my followers, here is my review of dirt.  Hope this makes you think a bit differently about the substance after reading!

*****You have to love dirt!

I know what you all are thinking.  She just gave Oxygen and water two stars, is she really going to give dirt five?  Actually, yes, I am!  Dirt is nothing like those other two deplorable elements.  It doesn’t demand I breathe it in every few seconds, and doesn’t require I drink it regularly.  Nope, dirt does nothing but give.  It doesn’t mind me treading all over it or growing my food in it.  Not only that, but it can feel really good when dirt gets wet (limited quantities of water mixed with better things is okay).  You know that mushy feeling when you squeeze mud between your hands or toes?  Yep, so soothing.  Think of all the people who pay money to have mud plastered all over them just to make their skin look nicer.  Not that I would go so far, yet it proves the value of dirt!

Besides, I figured out you can do it yourself for free while I was in the Army.  Let me tell you, dirt gets everywhere when you’re crawling across it.  Did I mind?  Nope, because there are advantages to this.  Camouflage!  Just think of the movie predator with Arnold Schwarzenegger.  How did he survive?  It sure as heck wasn’t with plain old water, or oxygen for that matter.  Nope, it was mud (wet dirt) that saved him.  That “predator” couldn’t detect Arnold because the mud gave him camouflage and decreased his body temperature so he couldn’t be seen.  Dirt should get a medal of honor for how many times it has saved soldiers in the battlefield.  Do you think water or air stops those bullets?  Heck no, they don’t.  But stack enough dirt up or dig down into it and you have a good defensive position.  Some people even build their homes from it.  Only drawback there is water comes along and eventually messes that up (Booooo water).

Not only does it protect us, dirt entertains us.  Remember those mud pies from back in your childhood days?  Dirt allowed you to have hours of fun-filled entertainment, despite the risk of being tracked inside where it would eventually go down the “dreaded drain”, never to see its home again.  All because some unthinking mother couldn’t hose the child off outside first.  Yet kids aren’t the only ones to enjoy the entertaining side of dirt.  Some men and women even find mud wrestling to be a fun sport.  I haven’t entirely figured this one out, but it does look kind of amusing.  Plus the dirt doesn’t really cost anything except to pay some human to move it where its needed.  Then people have a grand time watching it fly about and cover the contestants.  Yet, no one gets hurt because of the cushioning effect it has.  Good old dirt is always there when we need it.  Except when there is sand, I hate sand, but that is a review for another day.

Anyhow, some might say they hate dirt because it gets tracked into the home.  I don’t have much problem with this.  Good old cement (a cousin of mud) can prevent this by walking on it instead.  Dirt can’t be blamed if you tread all over it and drag it into your home.  The poor stuff is just along for the ride and probably quite upset you forcibly removed it from its native territory!  There it was, outside, trying to give life to plants, guide nasty water, and keep back silly oxygen and people have to ruin it!  Dirt is on our side and helps where it can.  Don’t ever resent it!  I have no qualms with dirt and would give it an award if I could, for all its heroic efforts.  Here is to you, dirt, man’s other best friend!


To see all the other non-book reviews by Mistress, go here.


~ by Suzie on October 24, 2011.

17 Responses to “Mistress’ Review of Dirt (that substance you often walk on)”

  1. that was amazing once again…dust thou art and to dust thou shall return…was reminded of this quote!

  2. Three cheers for dirt! I love the review, Susan.
    And while we’re on the subject … Don’t forget that dirt plays a role in pig-wrestling, a sport popular at the annual county fair here in Sheridan.

    • PL, let me tell you, it was a struggle to decide which entertaining things to mention that dirt participates in. There are so many, it was difficult to pick only a couple. Of course, everyone is welcome to add the ways they appreciate dirt! Pig-wrestling certainly fits with this topic.

  3. Makes sense to me.


  4. Classic!

  5. lol Great Job Mistress – I love the way your resent having to give a little credit to water for making the mud 🙂

  6. Fantastic review, but to be honest, I hate dirt. I try to avoid it as much as possible and pretty much die when it becomes mud. Actually, I think I’m the only kid that’s never made a mud cake (don’t tell Tim I said that). Me and dirt are able to coincide only when we leave one another alone and that’s really all I ask of it. If it doesn’t touch me, I will try my hardest to not touch it.

  7. Yep, I like it when you’re dirty… 😉

  8. A review on dirt – very unique!! 🙂 I don’t mind getting dirty because I totally love cleaning it off.

  9. […] For other fun reviews, try the ones I wrote for oxygen and dirt. […]

  10. […] *For other fun reviews, try the ones I wrote for water and dirt. […]

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